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I'll miss you itty bitty..

I can't let go.

Honestly, I don't want to. How do you let go of a cat that you've only had for 4 months?

Baby Saffron.

She was a little older when we got her, but not by much.

And she barely had any teeth.

She would always come and jump all over my laptop when I was using it.

And now I'd give anything to have her jump all over my laptop again.

I don't truly understand how a 6 month old kitten can die from congestive heart failure. I don't think I ever will.

I am forever plagued with the memory of the beauty and love that saffron gave me. Plagued because it wasn't enough. Plagued because her metaphorically big heart turned into a literal big heart, which drained the life from her kitty. Looking at her sister is bittersweet.

My mom says I've been through 'worse' tragedies. Maybe I have, but this is slowly killing my insides. I went to Banfield, then to the Vet ER. I spent the whole day there. First with low hopes, then high, then bonecrushing low. If I had more money, I probably would have tried my damnedest to prevent the inevitable. However, considering the doctor told us that she probably wouldn't survive the night... I don't know what money could have done. She was feisty to the end, but her heart was just too big.

Good bye my itty bitty. Khoshgelan eh man.


( 4 Glimmered in the Sky — Sparkle )
Nov. 11th, 2009 04:22 am (UTC)
I'm sorry about your kitty. :/
Nov. 11th, 2009 09:19 pm (UTC)
Omg, that is sooo sad!! I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and I am so sorry for your kitty! Was she in pain at all? Did you have to put her to sleep, or did she go on her own? Poor thing, poor you. So sorry.

Nov. 12th, 2009 04:17 am (UTC)
They said she wasn't in 'pain', but very distressed. All I know is that she wasn't happy. She was the spunkier sister, and when she started to sleep more and eat less and play less, we knew something was wrong. She was 'breathing' hard all the time. She didn't look happy or comfortable.
Stupid me, I was thinking she had the flu or a parasite. Not that she wouldn't make it another 6 months. If that.
My mom wanted to take her home, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to come out of grief if she were to pass on at my house. I don't know if I can come out of it now. Her heart was probably bigger than my heart. They told us that she wouldn't survive the night if we took her home. Then they told us that even if we left her at the ER in the oxygen tank she might not survive the night. My mom and boyfriend convinced me to sign the euthanasia papers and the hospital gave us a clay paw imprint from her before they did it.

Just last week I thought about how I don't think I could ever do that, and then I had to. I feel terrible and I miss her so much. She didn't like being held, but she would always seek someone out to get affection.
Nov. 11th, 2009 09:54 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry you have to go through this :(
She was such a beautiful pishy... so adorable.
( 4 Glimmered in the Sky — Sparkle )